My Inevitable Descent into Crankiness

And why embracing it is one of the best decisions I've made

Photo by the author

When I was younger, long before I ever found myself running up against the walled entrance to midlife, I always seemed to get a rise out of cantankerous, cranky, old people. There was something on display, with their casual cursing, groaning intolerance for bullshit, and direct, unfiltered commentary that was arresting, admirable, and hilarious to me. I'd often wonder what it was that made them that way. What was it with old folks and this rough-edged inclination to cut through the small talk and just give it you like it is?

Now, as I grow older, I realize that it comes naturally, a byproduct of aging itself. Because for the first time in my life, I'm seeing the initial tinges of that bellicose crankiness in my own actions. Somewhere, creeping up the main stalk of my middle-aged spine, I feel it back there, that testy old bastard inside of me, gradually rising to the surface. 

Right now, I see it manifesting itself in subtle annoyances: My sudden aversion to time-wasting small talk, meaningless social formalities, and the petty needs of the human ego.

At first, you might want to chalk this rising irritability up as mere impatience. But that would be oversimplifying things. No... Impatience is all about wanting to get onto the next thing. 

This is all about wasting valuable time and energy.

Part of the paradigm shift that comes with middle age is a sudden realization of your own mortality and the fact that time grows inversely more and more valuable with the less of it you have left. 

I think this is the crux of the whole cranky old man stereotype. It's a growing intolerance for the inconsequential bullshit we drape over our everyday lives, the pointless meetings and trivial arguments that distract us from what's truly important and swallow up our most precious, ever-dwindling asset. 

With age, there's a growing awareness of the unimportance and stark emptiness of chasing money, fame, clout, and status. There's a realization and outright disdain for the hollow needs of the individual and collective ego, which is only magnified in this bizarre and belligerent era of culture wars and getting way too involved in the lives and minds of others. Some people can't seem to go on with their days unless others acknowledge that they're "right," whatever that's supposed to mean. 

It's all shouting and fighting over nothing. None of it is important when you're confronted with the sobering fact that in a very quick 30-40 years, you'll be dead, and what did you spend the latter half of your life doing? Did all of the bickering and disdain really put your soul at peace and bring you closer to that universal, cosmic truth we’re all headed towards?

Knowing that you're just a handful of years away from an eternity in the Great Beyond, I can see why it cheeses the elderly off to no end, watching the world collectively succumb to the hollow and fleeting temptations of greed, power, and fame. Once you cross over that bridge into midlife, with each passing year, the veil gets pulled further and further back, and suddenly pissing away your remaining years in PD meetings, breakroom gossip, and political arguments seems like a gross affront to our greatest gift.

That's why I'm not fighting my inevitable descent into crankiness. Instead, I'm opening the door and giving that gruff bastard a permanent spot on the couch, feet on the coffee table, and everything.

I get it now. I see this growing irritability as a sobering force that is helping me see through the artifice and trappings of daily life that gobble up the time and energy of so many others. For the first time in my life, I’m turning my back on career chasing and wealth accumulation in favor of philosophy and meaningful experience, and I’m questioning all of those stupid little habits and social expectations that I’ve always conformed to “just because.”

Who would have ever thought that getting old would become the most punk rock shit I’ve ever done?

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Is it just me? Or have you also noticed a growing crankiness as you probe deeper into middle age? Sound off in the comments! Since MidThoughts is still in its infancy, your feedback is vital in growing this community and delivering compelling content that resonates with you.

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